How to know he is the one?

Assalamualaikum ladies.

I am sure everyone in this life would ask this questions to married couples or their parents or their grandparents. But none of us had exactly the correct answer for this. To be honest, we wouldn’t know he’s the one but we have the power to choose someone who is right for us. We met a lot of people in our life and even developed special bond with them. Some ended up with happily ever after but some will eventually become stranger again. It is an odd thing when someone who you knew a lot of things about for the past few years and suddenly become stranger again. But that how’s it works. You need to meet a lot of people in order to find the right one for you 🙂 it tooks a lot of heartbreak to know what you deserve. In other words, you need to survey your partner. Marriage is not about living in a house for a day, it is for the rest of your life. Don’t be fooled by the external views but take into account the internal views as well.

Hey ladies,

1. Be free

Dont worry if you haven’t find one. You just need to enjoy your life, go out and meet people and participate in any events in your school/Uni/workplace. Sometimes, you’ll met then in unexpected ways. I realised, sometimes, the one that you try hard to get will be the one who left in the end. People always says, you need to make an effort. But for me, yes it is true you need an effort, but if the effort took months/years to try to get their attention, believe me, you gonna waste it. You will ended up crying because suddenly one day they married someone else. So, be free, and don’t try to hard to get someone who doesn’t deserve your effort. If you feel like it’s not gonna work anyway, leave.

2. Give them a chance

As rule no 1, be free. Meaning, never reject people without giving them a chance to get to know them. You might not like them at first but try to free your mind and get to know them. If you still think they are not suitable for you, then just be honest. It is better for both of you. Don’t drag it for too long as you will give false hope to the other person. And don’t ever feel guilty for saying ‘No’ to them because you are apparently trying to find the one who can make you feel like you.

3. Know your vision

Make sure your future partner know what’s your future plan and able to accept it. Someone who is flexible and can support whatever you want in the future is the best partner you will ever have. The most important thing in relationship is communication. And to be precise, communication that can be best understand by both. Be with someone who speaks your language. ie; who can really understand you verbally and non verbally. Thus, the one who sparks your energy to do best in life be it in your carrier or being a supermom is the best partner you can get.

4. He feels like home

Do you ever had experience staying far from home? and you crave the ‘homey’ environment? Yes, you need to feel that in a person too. If you find someone who you just can be free, be you and trust, they probably someone who you would need in life. I knew i found mine when all of a sudden, he feels like home to me. He did so many things that my parents did for me. He showed that i can always count on him after my parents. And for that, im sure, he will take a good care of me just like my parents did for the past 29 years. 🙂

5. Choose someone who wants you

Ladies, choose someone who wants to be in your team. He will show you if he really loves you. You will feel it. Think rationally when it comes to love. Take into accounts of all other things too. Yes, action speaks louder than words. Sometimes it’s the opposite when we always fall into their words rather than the action. It’s supposed to be both. He supposed to act what he said. So, the one who really wants you will show you that they really into you. He will always make you their priority and consider you in everything they do in life. Then, you know, you are not an option to them but you are important.

In a nutshell, you wouldn’t know he’s the one but you can choose them to be the one. Have a wider vision in choosing your partner. Sometimes, you’ll be surprise how wonderful people are when you know them. Give yourself the chance to be free and choose someone who wants you. At the end of the day, you will find your ‘home’ too 🙂 just like everybody else.

My Man

02/okt/20

Never expect for someone amazing like you would be so important to me in my life. I never thoughi i would love you the way i do now. Since i first saw you, i would never imagine us at this stage now. You, are a person i couldn’t left behind now. Every secret, stories and moments i would share with you everyday. You are my both bestfriend and lover. That’s what i am so grateful for.

You love me for who I am. Your effort by doing that small little things captures and moved me every day. Never a day passed by without you letting me feel unlove. You never afraid to show what you feel. You are different from the rest.

What do I like about you? Your gentleness towards people, you are my best listener, you never give a bad advice, your sense of humor, you love all your pets and raised them well *LOL, your patience when we argued, your honest answers to all my so called ‘hard question’ , you never wanted me to feel alone, you taken care of me well and showered me with your love everyday.

Thank you for making me happy and loved everyday. I am looking forward to do all the things we plan together, insyaAllah. May Allah swt ease our way towards goodness and if we are meant to be together in the future, may He eases it and bless us with His love. Amin.

Love,

AF

Starting afresh

Assalamualaikum readers

It has been almost 8 months im here at my hometown leaving Miri for good. A lot of things had happen for the past months. I do not know where to start and how do i write down all the things that i want to tell here. We are still fighting and struggling to fight the pandemic that hits us right now and at the same time we need to live our life as usual and adapt ourselves with the new norm.

I had a lot of things to tell and to write but i would need to find some time to figure out what story i would share here. There were good and bad memories but both made me someone that much more experienced and better insyaAllah.

Thus, i will share on my experienced as healthcare worker upon fighting this pandemic during the MCO and this is where i met a lot of wonderful souls along the way including my best buddy now. May Allah swt ease my journey to share a good things and experience here with all.

with that, stay tuned!

 

Love,

FA

Partnership for life

Assalamualaikum.

Heyyy im back!

I actually wrote down a post previously as a draft. I had a thought block and it caused me to unable to complete the post yet. Anyway, we are now in february! second month in 2020. It has been 2 weeks now im working at Health clinic. Alhamdulillah, so far everything have been ease by Allah swt. I’d met a lot of good people who are willing to guide me along the way. I am soooo blur when i first started. Everything are new to me and i learn everything slowly bit by bit. The good thing right now is, i get to spend my weekend at home with my family and i am thankful for it. Eventhough i really wanted to go to ETD, but i believe that Allah swt put me here, so that i can learn more about health clinic role in relation to emergency medicine. I just hope that, Allah swt continuously guiding me along the way, and made me into someone that always put Him first before everything. insyaAllah.

Anyway, today one of my junior sent me an invitation card for her marriage this upcoming week. Im happy for her. Thinking about marriage scares me a little bit. I listened to a few talks and discussion about this and sometimes my married friends shared about it too. All these while, we always thought, marriage is something all fairytale and happiness. Yes it is, but they said marriage is not equal to fairytale as what we read from the book/novels or even watched from the movies.

One interesting episode from DOPs (the couple talk) featuring Noh and Nina talking about marriage. They talked about expectation in marriage. Yes, everyone will have expectation in marriage from their spouse. And usually our expectation is related to the way we were raised by our parents. For example, when you were raised in a condition where you always see your mother preparing the food before your father comes back home and also did almost all the house chores. And you grew up thinking that, if i get married, i expect my partner will do the same thing. But, instead, the reality of it will be different. Some might ended up not helping you with the house chores as you expected, and some didn’t know how to cook yet, some may snores during sleep which you don’t like. So, having an expectation towards your spouse will make things difficult when they failed to meet your expectation. kan?

I love the way they talked about it as we can’t avoid ourselves from having an expectation towards our partner. For me, it is an eye opener for those who still single and seeking for a partner. Marriage is not about expecting your spouse making you happy. What i understand, marriage is about team work. And along the way, its not gonna be easy. You will find your partner flaws and you need to find a way to try to improve it together by communicating with each other in the best way possible. And, in marriage, it is not a competition (ie. who will win the argument) rather, it is a way for you to learn to give in, eventhough you know you are not wrong. Because, you know the relationship is more important rather than winning the argument.

When we talked about marriage, it is huge and heavy. It begins with our preparation, how well we equipped ourselves for it. Our understanding about meaning behind it, not just knowing it as for ibadah/sunnah. Marriage is beautiful when we really understand and know its purpose and our role as a partner. It took a lot of effort for 2 person to understand and accept each others flaws and also communicate with each other along the way.

Thus, for everyone who haven’t got married yet, eventhough you are not ready for it now, it is important to prepare ourselves, because you will never know His timing. And for me, you are never ready for it actually. Because you never know your journey be like. It is you and your partner role to sail it together through the waves without getting your ship sinks along the way. And we may think this is not the time yet but then when He says ‘be it’, no one can ever says No to His perfect timing.

I am no expert in this. Im just sharing what I learn from the couple talk. It is never wrong for us to learn about marriage eventhough we are not into it yet. It is a part of preparation, so that we can least expect what we want from the marriage. For me, I just hope that my other half would accept me for who i am, (like everyone else) and I would really love someone who always want to improve things together, discuss and seeing things in a positive way.

So, whats your thought about marriage?

 

The transition

Assalamualaikum.

It has been a hectic month for me. New year with new changes in life. My very first exchange from one place to another. The feeling of you coming out from your comfort zone and entering into unknown. I left hospital Miri for my placement after housemanship. I completed 4 months of floating as MO in ETD miri. I had learnt so much from my senior and specialist throughout. I am blessed for being able to meet all these people who continuously guiding my baby step into the true world of medicine. I would say HOship was the time where you only get the gist of the working world and the true struggle was when you become MO where you are now on your own. You have full responsibility towards patients and every decision making is important.

Again, shifting into another place reminds me of the feeling of entering new school, new university, new postings and meeting new colleagues. The vibe, something that I’ve always hate because it makes me feel vulnerable and insecure. I don’t know whether I’ll do well this time.

I made a report duty yesterday at my new workplace. Apparently, my plan was totally shifted. I always believe that I will work in the Hospital eventhough  chances to be in the emergency department was low but I don’t mind working in other department as long as it is medical-based. My option was Emergency and obstetric and gynecology. My down on the list was orthopaedics and Health clinic. I was confident enough that I would be in the hospital and all sorts of plan I had in mind all these while became my wisdom to look forward to work at new place.

It was on Friday that I knew I had to go to health clinic. As usual, as someone who can’t get over things, I give it a try during my report duty to appeal to be in the hospital. I planned what I wanted to say to them, that I want to take frcem  (exam to further specialise in emergency) this coming December and my interest was to be in this field. However, when I get to see all the big (bosses) people, my dialogue had totally changed. I wasn’t sound so convincing when I said I wanted to take frcem. I told them, if they need people at the health clinic I wouldn’t mind staying and it would be an exposure for me to learnt something new in this vast field of medicine. Am I idiot? Did I listened to myself when I said this?

Thus, of course they would be relieved to listen to what I had said. They told me to stay and there will be another chance in the future for me to change to the hospital setting if I still keen to further on my interest. Now, the outcome of this, I get to be in the one that down on my list of choices. I thought I had it all planned smoothly in my mind. However, I planned but His planned was far more better that what I had in mind. He always surprised me with all these spontaneous decision and path that I need to take that I had no clue at all it coming. First day of report duty was overwhelming. All this sorts of organization, units and some other parts of health clinic that I never knew before was explained to me. For someone newbie to this definitely I felt some huge rock falling onto my head and eventhough I am just smiling throughout, but in my heart, I was crying so badly that I just want to be somewhere where I really familiar with the work and all.

I went home yesterday, I ate my lunch, I prayed zuhr then I slept. It was tiring to have it all in one day. Im not complaining but, I just need to pour it out. I know probably I wouldn’t like a thing but it is good for me. I just prayed to Allah swt, whenever he put me, I hope I’ll be beneficial to the people around me and I hope that I will be able to love what I do. This new place and new faces that I will meet, I hope they also brings good to me. All I can say now is, adaptation phase has begin. I hope I’ll get through this again like I used to before. Ameen. What to feel now? Need to comfort and pep talk myself through this. Im gonna make it this time.

 

Instinct

Assalamualaikum.

I ended my shift today. Im in charge of green zone where mostly patient are stable but it is the zone where you need to be fast and efficient because there’s a lot of patients need to be attended. I would say green zone will be the most tiring zone out of all because so many things need to be done fast and so many patients need to be seen. Though mostly patient are stable, but having that, they also complaint a lot of things which sometimes brain need to filtered what is important and what’s not. Some complaint are just not necessary to be seen at the hospital.  Probably they just wanted to be sure and some people have an anxiety issue. Not to mention for some MC seeker who just come with an exaggerated symptoms and facial expression. Just so you know, we met a lot of ill people and we know who’s real and who’s faking it.

Anyway, membebel pulak. Im just tired today. It has been sooo long i didn’t get AM shift. It feel so good to get to go back at 3pm. I felt sightly light headedness for the past few days. Probably because i always changed my sleep cycle. However, i can’t run away from listening to every patient’s complaint and make sure they get the best treatment and went home well. I hate when patient come again second visit with similar complaint but worst when patient become more worst than before.

Im always thankful whenever i feel like the patient need more attention and further workup for his complaint, my instinct always push me to do more. They are times where I feel like letting them to go back because you are too tired to do more and there’s a lot of patient left need to be seen.

You know you can just fake the documentation, the vital signs and etc just to have a good reason to let them go. However, Im so thankful to Allah swt that i never have the gut to do that and He put that uneasiness in my heart so that I will do what’s best for my patient.

By having an instinct sometimes help you to make the best decision. I had one patient last night who actually came just complaint of cramping pain all over the body. No any other complaint. just that. All his blood pressure, pulse rate and blood sugar was normal. So, i felt something is not right there. Then, i took his blood to see his electrolytes level (sodium, potassium, urea and creatinine). Turns out the potassium was borderline high and there’s acute kidney injury (deranged kidney function level). I felt to let him go back initially by giving him oral kalimate ( to lower down his potassium). However, i strongly felt unease. I was at the end of my shift. I know if i do more, i will go back late and I need to wake up early the next day as i work AM shift.

Then, I told myself it is okay to drag my time a little because if i let him home, his heart may stop and he would died. Thinking of the possible consequences, I wouldn’t want that to happen and i would carry guilt with me for the rest of my life. Thus, I thank Allah swt for putting the fear in me so that i still can think rationally at that time.

So, i did an ecg (heart electric conductivity) to see whether he need an urgent reduction of potassium in ETD. Indeed… The obvious tall tented T shown on the ecg. Thus, the initial ‘cramping’ complaint that might look ‘okay’ for me turns out to be something urgent need to be done for him.

Thus, he was then transferred to yellow zone, and we gave him the medication to reduce his potassium immediately. The probable cause of his kidney function deteriorate need to be investigated further as it was kinda weird because patient didn’t have anything to cause an insult to his kidney.

Anyway, the moral of the story here, always follow your instinct. Think rationally. Be empathy and eventhough you need to sacrifice something for the good of others, just do it. At the end of the day, insyaAllah, Allah swt will give you the reward for your kindness that you did to others. Remember, Habluminallah, Habluminnanas. 🙂

 

Love,

FA

 

First meet

Assalamualaikum.

Today is sunday. For most people, weekend is the time where people could sleep more and just chillin at home with their loved ones. Most hated day will definitely be on Monday where it will be the beginning of the week again. While for me, I have no weekend. The most awaiting day will be my next day off which can be any days of the week. Today, I will be working at 3pm and now im chillin in one of my favourite cafe in town. It feel so good to be here sitting down reading my favourite book and updating my blog. My actual aim was to studied the mortality cases that i should be doing last week. However, seems like i ended up enjoying myself here just reading and writing.

Anyway, I was thinking to talk about something interesting today. It came across my mind just to write about it after i having my breakfast just now. While i was having my precious meal just now, suddenly it came across me to talk about ‘first date’. LOL. Probably because i was sitting alone and my mind was actively wandering around thinking it will be wonderful to have a meal with someone special today. Don’t get me wrong, I like having ‘me’ time but sometimes, you just can’t help yourself remembering good old times and laughing about it and thinking that having a partner to do something together must have been fun.

You know, when it comes to meet someone for the first time, it will definitely be a BIG deal for us to be presentable and to make sure it will be a memorable one. So, the preparation part is the utmost important part before the important day come. It is somewhat silly when i thought about it. So, most of the girl, even the ‘boyish’ type of us, will want to look so good in front of their so called ‘crush’.

I remember being soooo anxious meeting one of my crush previously. We knew each other from my brother. He is one of my brother’s good friend. To be honest, I actually never thought that he would asked me out together with my brother too. We seldom talk to each other but i actually kinda like this guy. He is actually a nice person based on what my brother told me. So, fast forward, he actually want to meet my brother for a reunion for work purpose, but he ask my brother to bring me along. Initially, i was thinking not to come along as i knew it will be bored. But, at the same time i was thinking why not? Plus, my brother was there as well.

So, when i was told he invited me as well, my heart skipped a beat >.<. I asked myself several times, “should i come?”. I told one of my good friends, she said, I should go and meet him. I should wear something decent and sweet, should think about topics to said during the meeting and just be yourself. So, i went to the mall, doing some shopping for a new sets of clothing just to make sure i look good on that day. I ended up purchasing 2 blouses and one pastel color pants with wide flowery bottom. As usual, every girls must’ve had that one bestie who would be your advisor when the day comes. They will give you all sorts of advised as if they are the best relationship expert in the world. LOL. And because you are nervous and can’t think rationally, you just listened to what they said anyway.

So, I went to meet him. I thought i had it all prepared. In my mind, I would talk and ask him certain questions, to just be casual and smile. You know, sometimes, what you expect will turn out to be 360 different from what you imagined. *insert laugh emojis* I went there, he went with a friend. So, when we arrived, they had finished their dinner, I thought we will be sitting facing each other. That would definitely be something most embarrasing thing to happen. Thank god i was sitting facing the other friend. But actually it defeats the purpose of the meeting in the first place. LOL.

The funny thing was, since i was sitting facing the other friend, I talked more with the other one. I found this friend had much more interesting character. He makes more jokes, ask me more questions and he is humble. Oh god, if only the friend was single, I would definitely want to meet him again! I can say the whole time i was just listening to what they talked about, which is work work and work. He did talked to me but only for a few moments. Most of the time, I am in my own world, eating my nasi goreng and drank my milo ais. Im trying my best to look good at that time as well. behaved. >.< Most of the time, i just wished the dinner to end quickly. *Next time nak jumpa first time jgn keluar ramai2 k* It wasn’t a date, but more like meeting friends. The dinner actually lasted for quite some time, and when it finally end, I feel relieved. We paid our own meal and part our ways.

You know, I was a bit disappointed how it turns out to be, I was putting to much expectation and it was so wrong. I imagined what he would be like and what would happen after that. That’s the thing about being a girl/woman, we overthink and always wanted something to happen but at the end of the day,  nothing happen. The next thing you know he actually just want to meet you as a friend. Girl, please don’t be too excited when your crush ask you out okay? Sometimes, they just want to be friend with you. But yeah, i know you can’t help yourself but to be to excited about it. It’s okay, sometimes, God let it happen for you to feel happy for awhile, and there will always be a reason for Him to let it happened. I believed He let it happen so that we wouldn’t put much hope on people.

So, what happen leh to the guy? Nahhh… nothing happen. We part ways and yeah, we are in good terms. I prayed for his well being. How about the friend? Nahhh… he’s married. So, to all sisters out there, just enjoy your life and meet as much people as you can in life. Create more silly moment for you to laugh at when you are eating breakfast alone. When you can laugh about it, then you know, you had moved on with life and accepted as what it is. Plus, people said, when a guy/girl saw you at your most ugly moment and still love and care for you, please never leave this person. If they can be with you at your ‘monstrous’ time, they will be there with you till the end. Trust me.  🙂 You don’t need fancy dress or most sweet scented perfume or even to think about what to talk about, when you find the right one, everything will definitely fall into place perfectly, effortlessly at the perfect moment.

Love,

FA

 

 

Miri

Assalamualaikum.

Im having my 3rd night shift for this month today. As usual, we need to do double shift as we ran out of manpower for now. But that’s okay as long as we get to claim our working hour.

Anyway, how is your day? Me? Nothing much interesting so far going on with my life. Everyday is a usual routine, it’s always about work work and work. Im still waiting for my transfer result. Hopefully i get to transfer back to my hometown so that i can be near to my family.

As much as my heart want it so bad to transfer back, at the same time, i do feel sad to leave miri. Miri has been a wonderful place to me with bittersweet memories. I never thought i would work in this place previously. When i was studying for medicine, i always wanted to do my housemanship in QE, Sabah. However, we plan, but Allah is the best planner and He put me here for my HOship. I remember it was a spontaneous decision after something happen in my life previously makes me changed my decision and I choose to be in Miri.

I went to Miri for the first time during my trip with friends when we are waiting for our placement. And I fall in love with it instantly at that time. Being here feel like being at home except that i dont have any close family member here.

I met so many people here and with that i learnt their language better. I can understand sarawak language and even can speak it better now. Sarawakian are so damn nice people. Though most of the patient here are not that well educated, but they are rich with mannerism. They respect other people, generous and helpful.

This is a place where i started my real journey as a doctor. A place where i fall on the ground, deep then i stand back again, then i continue to walk, sometimes i crawl because it is an exhausting journey, i almost give up and quit but then suddenly i realised i never stop moving and now i realised it was over. Alhamdulillah. This is a place where i started my journey as MO as well.

Besides, this is a place where i received abundant of love and support from my friends and workplace colleagues when im away from my family and they eventually become my family here. A place that witnessed it all, the good and the bad times of my journey here. Miri is so full of everything that i just can’t describe it by words. I know i would leave miri soon, but Miri will always be my second home. And thank you for being a place where i can learn to be strong and be independent.

I was hoping i would marry mirian throughout my stay here. LOL. However, I couldn’t find any. Hahahaha. Till then, I love Miri.

 

Love,

FA

 

 

Mother

Assalamualaikum.

I had a great day today. Being home will always be the best place to be at for now. I had a great time today meeting some of my best buddies in town. You know you are grown peeps when you start talking about motherhood stuff, facial treatment and about recipes and etc. Not too forget when you also playing your role as a part time doctor when your friends start pouring their questions regarding diseases, supplements and pregnancy. 😂 I enjoyed being around them as i get to be myself and i felt the sense of comfort. I’ve been missing all these “kepochi” thing for the past week. And this is just the right time for me to feel detached for awhile to non-medical stuff. Though you know you just can’t run from getting medical quests from them.

Someday, i wished my future partner will not be someone from medical field. I prefer being with someone that will be telling me about stuff that aren’t my expert. I always think guy look smart when they know things and love what they do.

Anyway, im not gonna talk about what kinda guy i attracted to 😂. I had enough with all of them already for now. My bestie, N, had her first born in august and currently her baby is 4th month of age. Seeing her with her partner today taking care of their child was’nt easy. Im truly impressed seeing them taking turn to take care of their child together. They are such a lovely couple. Im so grateful that N get such a good compassionate husband.

I can’t imagine myself right now being a mother. Seeing N pulling through her pregnancy period, then delivering her first child and now taking care of an adorable baby boy is surreal. I want to have kid too as my ovaries have an expire date as well 😂.  Looking through my status for now, im sure im not ready yet, perhaps that is why Allah swt haven’t send me the right person to be with yet.

However, kuddos to all mom out there. You guys are such an inspiration to all.

To my mother, now it is midnight of 25th nov, and you are born on this day 50+ years ago. Im so thankful to be your daughter. I know, you had a rough time dealing with me crying for milk every night  when i was a baby, when i was in a ‘rebellion phase’ of my life, when i was in a phase where i think im independent but im not, and all sorts of craziness that might hurt you in anyway. But you never failed to be there everytime. You never left. You are the best gift Allah had given me as you were always there from the beginning till the end of my everything. You are my go-to instant boost of inspiration and motivation when im down. You are the one who i always believe will show up when i said “ma, i need you here”.

You will ma, i know. For that, Happy birthday mama. I love you. May Allah swt blessed you. Selebihnya, biarlah dalam doa saja. I believe all mother out there deserve all the love they need from us, the child. Sometimes we overlooked them as one of our important people in our life as we are always preoccupied with our career. So, just give them a call/ see them, they dont want your money guys, they want your time.

 

Love,

FA

My charity

Assalamualaikum.

Beautiful morning today. I’m now sitting in a coffee shop, having my egg platter breakfast set with hot cappuccino (which actually i’m not an avid coffee drinker) after a stressful day at work yesterday. I’m scheduled in green zone yesterday which most of the patients that come were stable patients. Green zone was loaded with a lot of patient yesterday and a lot of patient went back home as well due to crazy waiting hours. It was only my colleagues and me trying hard to see them as fast as we could but we ran out of hand as some patient need to be referred to the primary team for further management. Thus, that took us quite some time to settle everything.

Anyway, I wasn’t about to talk about my hectic day yesterday. Waking up today, feeling so lazy to cook my own breakfast, i decided to have breakfast outside just to reward myself for my patience and hard work yesterday. I felt so tired and stress lately and decided to take a break from so called “my diet routine” for awhile. I lost some weight for the past 1 month of controlling my food intake. Alhamdulillah… However, having to face my close friends transferred to other states, crazy working environment (all sorts of patients) plus the news regarding us ‘contract workers’ lately, made me feel exhausted and lost of direction. My drive and motivation becoming less and less for this profession. Sometimes, I wish i had it easy and i wouldn’t woke up everyday worrying i would risk a human life. I prayed everyday that I wouldn’t make my patient’s life in danger and I wouldn’t harm them. As much as i was brave enough to go to work everyday, I’m also afraid.

There were times where, i’m too lazy to care for them, and there were moment where my heart would just burst into “alaaaa… discharge je laa, sakit biasa je nie. tak payah la ambil blood nak investigate bagai. ok je nie”. However, something inside me kill this thought immediately, like someone spoken through me saying ” cuba bayangkan this is your relatives or parents? would you do this to them?”. Then, the feeling of fear doing harm to them drive me to do what’s best for them. Eventhough sometimes we were treated like shit, were shouted, were turn away by them, but i believe most of the medical professionals, want nothing else but seeing their patient to be healthy again.

I love this job, as I get to help other people. Probably, if im not in this profession, i wouldn’t be someone who contribute something to the community. Then, i need to force myself by doing this to give back what i have. Im not rich and Im probably not generous enough, so I’m trying my best to tell myself everyday, this is my charity.

Im 28 soon. All the dream I had in my 20’s had changed. My prospective of life changed. My aim is no longer thinking of getting married at the age of 25 and being a mother at the age of 27. I am no longer putting hope on people to love me, but im putting my hope to keep on loving myself and this job everyday. There’s so much to see and explore, 28 is just a number, getting married is not a road to happiness. So, yeah, I will continue to move forward eventhough it is a difficult road ahead of me. I have different goals now. And having it makes me wanted to live my life everyday to reach my goal.

Love,

FA